thou art dust...

and to dust thou shalt return...

photo from here

And so begins this period of prayer and fasting. A journey into my soul...a cleansing, faithfulness, gratitude...

What if...

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Forgiveness and the Freedom of Letting go

His ways...

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.


I've been thinking...wondering...waiting...

and I'm juggling this...a lot...

I've officially been back to work full time for almost a year now. Being able to stay home for 14 years, one settles in...a routine...a comfortable place...Very difficult to change, when this girl doesn't like any part of it...change.
Realizing how UNPREPARED Cody was for college has me scrambling, worrying, wondering...have I let him down? I see the same future for Jesse-Ray and this can not be.
Anytime I've mentioned homeschool, people snarl...as if you've cursed. I no longer care about the snarls and the whispers, I simply want the very best for my boys. Jesse-Ray has always DISLIKED school very much...not because he wasn't academically where he needed to be, he has a good memory, and has never had to study. This year*is*different. I don't know what the change is, but I totally see it. So, I'm trying to find a way to homeschool, while working full time. Is this possible? I need help, finding a way. I am also really thinking about going back to school to finish the PsyD I started twenty four years ago...since my creative mind is on hiatus somewhere in a foreign land...not sure when or IF it will return.

I'd like some thoughts on this homeschool subject...I was lead to this wonderful little spot. Visit Sasha over at Lemonade Makin Mama. I read way back in the archives, and there is so much helpful information. I love so much that she's able to share her heart like this also.
Have a happy day-

comfort...southern made...

This is a very special recipe for chili. Shared by Rick Light, father of Josh Light...talented young dobro player. The Light family was..."a feel good family"...always a joy to be with. Josh had quiet an ear for music. I expected great things from him. He was taken too soon. Leukemia...Fall of 2009. At least 30 musicians came together to pay tribute at his service...I know he was welcomed into Heaven.
This is the only chili recipe I use. I know you will enjoy it as well. It's different than any chili you've had, I'm sure.

(If you click on the recipe, it'll pull it up close to a larger view so you can see, or print)

create...

A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others...

I feel like I've lost the audience, how can I blame you...I haven't been here for visits, I've been empty.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I wanna feel good, lose weight, feel younger again. I wanna homeschool, be in love with my life, sit in my pj's most of the day, stitch, and create jewelry. I want to have good hair, like victoria Beckam, no wait, I wanna look like her too. I wanna put together store displays of designer clothing, strange, weird kinda dream I've always had. I wanna take a road trip, a long one. I wanna return to Jamaica, I wanna sell the house, build a house. I wanna hear from all of you who bring me joy with your messages. I wanna have words again, words to share with you...

edited to add...I wish to take a mission trip, to help others more, and want less for me.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Think Spring here

Dunns River Falls (above)

Blue Lagoon(above

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining, in love when I don't feel it, in humanity when we don't deserve it, and God even when He is silent.

A person who lives in Faith must proceed on incomplete evidence, trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.

choosing and believing...

re·new   /rɪˈnu, -ˈnyu/
[ri-noo, -nyoo]

1. to begin or take up again, as an acquaintance, a conversation, etc.; resume.
2. to make effective for an additional period: to renew a lease.
3. to restore or replenish: to renew a stock of goods.
4. to make, say, or do again.
5. to revive; reestablish.
6. to recover (youth, strength, etc.).
7. to restore to a former state; make new or as if new again.

My word for twenty eleven...Renew. It's not easy choosing a word to carry and build on through the year. Build, and strength, were two words that I studied on...these are two things I really need in my life.
Last year brought many changes, most, not so good. I desperately need to renew...my strength, build...my faith and trust once again. I chose Renew, for the exact meanings I've shared above.

There are relationships that need to be renewed, also, my faith, my trust...I need to replenish my soul, search my heart for the words to share with you, my friends in Christ.
Once you suffer a tragedy, close your heart, it seems impossible to open it again. I sit here searching for words to share, nothing...

I have suffered obsessive compulsive disorder, agoraphobia, and nearly shut myself off from any shred of happiness. I've talked with God, specifically, listening, hoping...I must chose to come out of the darkness...open my heart, renew my life...

My wish for each of you, is a year of laughter, renewal, strength...may doors open for you, and may you be feel His presence in your life each and every day.
Much love...