PERMANENT! The paper said PERMANENT. What does this mean?
1. Lasting or remaining without essential change: “the universal human yearning for something permanent, enduring, without shadow of change”
2. Not expected to change in status, condition, or place: a permanent address; permanent secretary to the president.
Existing or remaining in the same state for an indefinitely long time
His love is Permanent...
The news came early. Too early for me to gather myself when the words flooded from his mouth. "I lost my job!" Time stopped for a second, felt like more. My body was numb, and I was speechless. The big manila envelope he was holding looked heavy, weighted with things I didn't want any part of. My seemingly happy life was somehow displaced. Moments later, I realize the truth in his words. He tells Mother and Father, I do the same. He says meekly, "God has closed this door." With cutbacks in the auto industry, (muffle, muffle, muffle) was all I heard. There were others also, many who'd been there most of their lives, and nearing retirement, but not quiet able to draw fully. Calls flood in and I stand in awe with how he is dealing with the news. Working there 17 of his 36 years of life...must he not feel some sort of illness? So I think I'm comfortable here, in this place, throughout our marriage. The day goes quickly, and I realize suddenly, I am relieved. Is that possible? I should not think the words, nor should I express them openly. I awake the next morning, Mark still in bed, still trying to gather this in my head, my heart. When he comes down the hall, I see a look of relief on his brow. One I haven't seen for years. It is then I realize, God's plan has changed for us. He has something far greater for this small family of four, not including cats, horses. He has not been happy for some odd years. Graveyard shift taking it's toll. Wanting to make a change, a move, questioning if it would be possible (sensible) to do such a thing having so many years and honest pay at this job. I realize also, that I have not been happy here, almost since moving this way in late 1995.
Two days pass, and I become angry when we are told things we really don't need, want to hear. But truth is always hard to take, especially when you learn people are trying to sabotage your character. What good can come from purposely inflicting pain on another...I can not, will never understand what makes a heart so hurtful towards others. He tells me it's not the end of the world. I do realize this is truth, and he is no better than anyone else to lose their job. It's just something you don't think of.
(letting go of bitterness)
Answered prayers, understandings are flooding in one by one now, but selfishness takes over, I want the full path laid out for me. To quote words from Mandisa's song, "He’ll do, and He’ll use whatever He wants, to show us he's enough"
One week and two days have passed, no, it is not the end of the world. Doors will open, and we will see them. He will guide us to them..."Peace be still, and know that I am God!" After facing the truth, the surrealism of it, I realize "what is", Mark's face filled with joy, and smiles once again...
"And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand." - John 10:28-29:
(picture: Mark against the amber sky)